I started this blog in the weeks after I gave birth to Alyssa. The reason I did it was because 1. it was a cool thing to do and 2. I wanted a place to remember the big and little things she was doing. 3. A place for friends and family to keep up with what is going on since they don't live close.
As time went on I realized I was really bad at keeping up with the baby books (in fact I don't think I have opened either kids in about a year). I haven't done a fantastic job at blogging, but I do have at least parts of each year in writing.
After my first year of blogging I made all my blog posts into a book with blog2print. I had said I would do that once a year so that my kids could have a book that had memories of their childhood seen from my point of view. Well I haven't done that yet, but I do admit that every so often I spend a night going back looking through old posts.
Sometimes it is because someone asks me a question about a milestone one of the kids has met and I can remember about when it happened but not exactly, so I go back and read through blogs.
I never figured I would have a big fan base reading my blog. To my knowledge there are only like 3 people subscribed to my blog, but when I check my stats I see that I do have people from around the world reading my blog.
If you are one of those can you tell me what inspires you to read my blog? Or was it a pure accident that you came upon my blog?
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
How do I do it?
Tonight as I was sitting in at swim class for the kids my phone went off that I had a facebook message. When I checked it, it was someone that said that they had found my blog and wondered how I did it.
This got me thinking. To be perfectly honest some days I'm not sure I am doing it. Sometimes people will asking how I am and I will say well I'm alive. They laugh it off, but honestly some days that is about the only emotion I have.
Other days I feel cool and confident and feel like everything is under control. The response I gave is that I always make sure I'm moving forward. Some days it feels like I'm taking giant leaps, other days I'm taking such small baby steps I wonder if I'm moving backwards.
Between Colin and all his health issues, owning and expanding my business every year for the last three years and making sure my house and husband are all well taken care of is hard.
I have to admit I haven't always been successful, at times I have had to go to my doctor to ask for help. I am on blood pressure meds and at times anxiety meds. At times that makes me feel like a failure, but in the bigger picture I know that it really doesn't make me a failure but human and it is okay.
The other part that gets me through is God and my family/ friend support system. Without them I know there would be no way I could handle it. When the tears are there and I'm at a low I have found that God always places someone in my life that can help me. That doesn't mean that the day I feel lost I automatically get help but it does come. I have a few people that are always there with an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.
My life is not easy, yet as I think about it I don't think I would change it. Are there days when I would love for Colin to be healthy? Well of course! Yet if I had the choice to take Colin with all his issues or another perfectly healthy little boy I would take Colin in a heartbeat.
Because of Colin and all we have gone through I know I have been able to help a few other people when their children have been sick. That helps makes it a little better.
Today as I have sat an analyzed Colin's breathing, moods and O2 I wonder if there will ever be an end. At this point I can't tell you, but I know I will make it. And that is what is important!
This got me thinking. To be perfectly honest some days I'm not sure I am doing it. Sometimes people will asking how I am and I will say well I'm alive. They laugh it off, but honestly some days that is about the only emotion I have.
Other days I feel cool and confident and feel like everything is under control. The response I gave is that I always make sure I'm moving forward. Some days it feels like I'm taking giant leaps, other days I'm taking such small baby steps I wonder if I'm moving backwards.
Between Colin and all his health issues, owning and expanding my business every year for the last three years and making sure my house and husband are all well taken care of is hard.
I have to admit I haven't always been successful, at times I have had to go to my doctor to ask for help. I am on blood pressure meds and at times anxiety meds. At times that makes me feel like a failure, but in the bigger picture I know that it really doesn't make me a failure but human and it is okay.
The other part that gets me through is God and my family/ friend support system. Without them I know there would be no way I could handle it. When the tears are there and I'm at a low I have found that God always places someone in my life that can help me. That doesn't mean that the day I feel lost I automatically get help but it does come. I have a few people that are always there with an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.
My life is not easy, yet as I think about it I don't think I would change it. Are there days when I would love for Colin to be healthy? Well of course! Yet if I had the choice to take Colin with all his issues or another perfectly healthy little boy I would take Colin in a heartbeat.Because of Colin and all we have gone through I know I have been able to help a few other people when their children have been sick. That helps makes it a little better.
Today as I have sat an analyzed Colin's breathing, moods and O2 I wonder if there will ever be an end. At this point I can't tell you, but I know I will make it. And that is what is important!
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Colin
Colin, Colin, Colin I so wish there was an easy answer for him! We went back to the doctor (Pulmonary) on Friday. She decided at that time that it isn't his lungs that are the issue, it is his sinuses. I told her that the ENT disagreed with that. So Pulm wanted us to consult another ENT for a second opinion.
In all the discussion she told us to stop doing breathing treatments because they weren't doing anything his lungs sounded fine and clear.
So we did, we stopped treatments as of Friday afternoon. Well every day since then he has seemed to get a little worse. Today his eyes were droopy, watery and his energy level was very low. I'm no sure where to go or what to do.
I just wish someone could come up with some kind of answer.
In all the discussion she told us to stop doing breathing treatments because they weren't doing anything his lungs sounded fine and clear.
So we did, we stopped treatments as of Friday afternoon. Well every day since then he has seemed to get a little worse. Today his eyes were droopy, watery and his energy level was very low. I'm no sure where to go or what to do.
I just wish someone could come up with some kind of answer.
Life
I have started this post a few times and always hit the delete button and move on. However I keep reminding myself that this blog is here so that in 10 years when I want to look back I can remember things that happened.
About a week and half ago Chris told me that his company had told him he was going to take lead on a job. Now this is a good thing. He had been working the last few months on a new data entry process and the higher ups wanted him to try it out on this new project.
He then told me that this new project is in Iowa. It is about three and a half hours away. Then went on to tell me that the projected time line is 18 months.
I am so proud of all that he has accomplished with his job. Every year he gets good reviews and it seems like there are a lot of people that want Chris on their team. I'm so happy that he has been able to find a place to work that values him as an employee. Yet at the same time it SUCKS because now he is going to be gone for 18 months.
We talked about all moving up to Iowa but with my business, Alyssa starting school in the fall, and all of Colin's health issues it just wasn't the right choice for us.
We have told family and friends about the move but we haven't told the kids yet. We don't know exactly when he is going but it will be within the next few weeks. I'm trying to prepare myself for long days and a routine that will work for the kids and me.
I'm not looking forward to him going but I know that we will be okay and that we can get through this and hopefully come out stronger on the other side.
The other big change is I have given up the job of opening the daycare to a qualified employee. I switched hours with her and so she comes in at 6:30 and I don't come in until 7:30. This morning was day three of this routine and I have to say that I am LOVING it. I'm not as rushed and the kids are happier when we walk out the door. It is amazing the things I can get done in the hour. I have unloaded the dishwasher twice, folded laundry and even done some snuggling and book reading. I love it.
About a week and half ago Chris told me that his company had told him he was going to take lead on a job. Now this is a good thing. He had been working the last few months on a new data entry process and the higher ups wanted him to try it out on this new project.
He then told me that this new project is in Iowa. It is about three and a half hours away. Then went on to tell me that the projected time line is 18 months.
I am so proud of all that he has accomplished with his job. Every year he gets good reviews and it seems like there are a lot of people that want Chris on their team. I'm so happy that he has been able to find a place to work that values him as an employee. Yet at the same time it SUCKS because now he is going to be gone for 18 months.
We talked about all moving up to Iowa but with my business, Alyssa starting school in the fall, and all of Colin's health issues it just wasn't the right choice for us.
We have told family and friends about the move but we haven't told the kids yet. We don't know exactly when he is going but it will be within the next few weeks. I'm trying to prepare myself for long days and a routine that will work for the kids and me.
I'm not looking forward to him going but I know that we will be okay and that we can get through this and hopefully come out stronger on the other side.
The other big change is I have given up the job of opening the daycare to a qualified employee. I switched hours with her and so she comes in at 6:30 and I don't come in until 7:30. This morning was day three of this routine and I have to say that I am LOVING it. I'm not as rushed and the kids are happier when we walk out the door. It is amazing the things I can get done in the hour. I have unloaded the dishwasher twice, folded laundry and even done some snuggling and book reading. I love it.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
No answers yet
I haven't posted about Colin in a few weeks. I thought I was doing it because I was waiting for more answers. Tonight I realized I haven't done it because I don't like what I'm hearing.
We had the sleep study: It showed mild sleep apnea both central and obstructive. What that means is his brain forgets to tell him to breathe at night at times. AND also at other times he tries to breathe but can't because something is blocking his airway. At this time they want us to just watch it.
We had a CT scan: That showed classifications and sever chronic infection in his sinuses. That resulted in a 30 day prescription of antibiotics. His chest CT scan showed Mosaic air ways in lower lungs and scaring in upper lungs. The Mosaic means that his bottom lungs aren't getting the air they should be. They aren't sure if they are fully destroyed or just damaged. The scaring at the top is from the constant pneumonia. At this time the pulmonary doctor isn't sure where to go with this info.
We had a hearing test: It showed normal hearing except for the two highest sounds on right ear. This isn't a huge concern and they felt if he didn't have as much fluid build up in his head he would be okay. Right now just watch and maybe retest in 6 months to a year.
We had an appointment with the ENT: She said start nose spray twice a day to try to help the sinuses. She really didn't want to do surgery. She is hoping he will grow out of everything. (Right now I'm not really happy with our ENT at all and haven't been for about a year. I'm hoping at our next pulm appointment we can find a new ENT that fits the needs of Colin and our team better)
We had a speech eval: She was concerned about how he breathes when trying to eat. She doesn't feel he is aspirating on food. (She watched him eat). But she feel she can't help him at this time. She noted that he can't ever close his mouth and breathe. So to try to do oral exercises to strengthen muscles we would in a way asking him to suffocate himself since he can't breathe unless his mouth is open. So until something is done about his sinuses she can't help him. She feels there are issues but right now can't address them until other things like sinuses and pulmonary function is controlled.
We go back to see the pulmonary doctor in March. I'm hoping she has talked to a few other doctors and has a plan. She has talked about a lung biopsy, and also some other testing. I don't think March appointment will give us any answers but since we haven't come up with any other maybe we can try a few more roads.
For every step forward it feels like 2 backwards.
So that is the update on Colin. He still needs prayers. He needs prayers that the doctors on his team can find a cause or find the correct tests to run on him to get the answers. After 3 years of praying for this I feel defeated and at times really down. I do thank God that he is a trooper through it all. I will continue to fight and do what I feel is best for him until either we find an answer or he is old enough to tell me what he wants on his own.
We had the sleep study: It showed mild sleep apnea both central and obstructive. What that means is his brain forgets to tell him to breathe at night at times. AND also at other times he tries to breathe but can't because something is blocking his airway. At this time they want us to just watch it.
We had a CT scan: That showed classifications and sever chronic infection in his sinuses. That resulted in a 30 day prescription of antibiotics. His chest CT scan showed Mosaic air ways in lower lungs and scaring in upper lungs. The Mosaic means that his bottom lungs aren't getting the air they should be. They aren't sure if they are fully destroyed or just damaged. The scaring at the top is from the constant pneumonia. At this time the pulmonary doctor isn't sure where to go with this info.
We had a hearing test: It showed normal hearing except for the two highest sounds on right ear. This isn't a huge concern and they felt if he didn't have as much fluid build up in his head he would be okay. Right now just watch and maybe retest in 6 months to a year.
We had an appointment with the ENT: She said start nose spray twice a day to try to help the sinuses. She really didn't want to do surgery. She is hoping he will grow out of everything. (Right now I'm not really happy with our ENT at all and haven't been for about a year. I'm hoping at our next pulm appointment we can find a new ENT that fits the needs of Colin and our team better)
We had a speech eval: She was concerned about how he breathes when trying to eat. She doesn't feel he is aspirating on food. (She watched him eat). But she feel she can't help him at this time. She noted that he can't ever close his mouth and breathe. So to try to do oral exercises to strengthen muscles we would in a way asking him to suffocate himself since he can't breathe unless his mouth is open. So until something is done about his sinuses she can't help him. She feels there are issues but right now can't address them until other things like sinuses and pulmonary function is controlled.
We go back to see the pulmonary doctor in March. I'm hoping she has talked to a few other doctors and has a plan. She has talked about a lung biopsy, and also some other testing. I don't think March appointment will give us any answers but since we haven't come up with any other maybe we can try a few more roads.
For every step forward it feels like 2 backwards.
So that is the update on Colin. He still needs prayers. He needs prayers that the doctors on his team can find a cause or find the correct tests to run on him to get the answers. After 3 years of praying for this I feel defeated and at times really down. I do thank God that he is a trooper through it all. I will continue to fight and do what I feel is best for him until either we find an answer or he is old enough to tell me what he wants on his own.
Friday, February 14, 2014
5 year stats
I always enjoy looking back and seeing how much the kids weighed and how tall they were on each of their birthdays.
Yesterday Alyssa went for her 5 year check and did fantastic! She got three shots without a cry, scream or fight.
She was 46.25 lbs and 44.25 inches tall.
Yesterday Alyssa went for her 5 year check and did fantastic! She got three shots without a cry, scream or fight.
She was 46.25 lbs and 44.25 inches tall.
Arizona Vacation
We had our first true, out of the state vacation as a family of 4 in three years this past weekend. It was a wonderful vacation and the kids did fantastic!
It all started when the girls basketball team that I helped manage in high school was being inducted into the hall of fame in Chandler. I decided I wanted to attend. So then we decided to add a few extra days on and enjoy some warm Arizona sun.
We landed on Saturday and my mom picked me up from the airport and we headed to the induction while the kids got the luggage and made a stop at McDonalds. Afterwards we met back up and went to see a few of my friends from when I lived in AZ.
On Sunday we went to the Renaissance festival. The kids had a blast and Alyssa got a mermaid painted on her arm.
On Monday we went to an indoor play area and a see turtle aquarium.
On Tuesday it was the Wildlife zoo and aquarium.
On Wednesday we got an a plane and came back home to the cold.
Everyday we went from early morning to about 8:30 pm every night non-stop the kids got a few little cat naps in the car from one place to the other, but nothing big. And they did fantastic!! We had two very very small meltdowns from each kid but nothing big or that lasted very long. They were well behaved and seemed to really enjoy everything we did.
A few times throughout the trip Alyssa would lean over to me and say "Thank you for bringing me here". Since we have been home Alyssa has talked about going back every day.
I love watching the kids interact with my mom and step dad and brother. Since they don't get to see them often I always wonder in they will remember them, but each time it takes less and less time to warm up. Most of the time the kids wanted to hold Michael Michaels hand or Grandma's hand.
Even on the flights the kids did a good job. They are long flights and the kids sat still and didn't cause any issues on the flight.
I can't wait to have more vacations and enjoy them as our kids get older and enjoy more.
It all started when the girls basketball team that I helped manage in high school was being inducted into the hall of fame in Chandler. I decided I wanted to attend. So then we decided to add a few extra days on and enjoy some warm Arizona sun.
We landed on Saturday and my mom picked me up from the airport and we headed to the induction while the kids got the luggage and made a stop at McDonalds. Afterwards we met back up and went to see a few of my friends from when I lived in AZ.
On Sunday we went to the Renaissance festival. The kids had a blast and Alyssa got a mermaid painted on her arm.
On Monday we went to an indoor play area and a see turtle aquarium.
On Tuesday it was the Wildlife zoo and aquarium.
On Wednesday we got an a plane and came back home to the cold.
Everyday we went from early morning to about 8:30 pm every night non-stop the kids got a few little cat naps in the car from one place to the other, but nothing big. And they did fantastic!! We had two very very small meltdowns from each kid but nothing big or that lasted very long. They were well behaved and seemed to really enjoy everything we did.
A few times throughout the trip Alyssa would lean over to me and say "Thank you for bringing me here". Since we have been home Alyssa has talked about going back every day.
I love watching the kids interact with my mom and step dad and brother. Since they don't get to see them often I always wonder in they will remember them, but each time it takes less and less time to warm up. Most of the time the kids wanted to hold Michael Michaels hand or Grandma's hand.
Even on the flights the kids did a good job. They are long flights and the kids sat still and didn't cause any issues on the flight.
I can't wait to have more vacations and enjoy them as our kids get older and enjoy more.
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