Being a working mom is hard. I read many women's blogs that seem to manage working and being a mom pretty easily. But everyone of those blogs also has one or two every so often that they question if working is really what they want to do.
Today as I dropped Alyssa off at her new daycare I barely made it through telling the lady all about Alyssa and out the door before I started to cry. I called Chris and told him I didn't think I was cut out to be a working mom.
I got to school and had meetings all day with my wonderful first grade team. During one of the meetings I was busy typing lesson plans and helping to organize things for the start of the school year. One of my teammates looked at me and said, "You can't tell me that you aren't meant to be a teacher, look at you".
I thought about that comment a lot today. I do enjoy teaching when that is what I actually get to do ( not all the other political stuff). I also know if I stay home I would miss my adult interaction.
However I couldn't help but all day think about Alyssa too. I couldn't wait to call to check on her, think about all the smiles I was missing and in fact started to miss her so much pulled up pictures on my computer to stare at. Every day at work I think about how I'm going to miss her first steps and words.
I wish I could have my cake and eat it too. I would love to work with school aged children and stay home with Alyssa but I know that isn't possible.
What I want right now is to start my own daycare, because then I could see adults, teach children and still be at home with mine but I do know that with that comes downfalls, not much vacation, and lots of diapers.
What does the future hold? I have no idea, but I do know that right now I look forward to walking into daycare at the end of the day and see Alyssa give me a big smile and snuggle into my shoulder.
Speaking from observation, it seems hard to find that balance. My best friend from HS is a stay-at-home mom, and she has had a hard time finding her identity. Of course she loves having those moments w/ her son, but she misses the adult interaction and feels very alone in the process. She has a Marine husband so that might make a difference... Anywho, good luck to you as you figure out where you best belong. Your little kiddo is super cute!
ReplyDeleteWhat you do have to realize is that it does get easier. Chelsea is right: When you stay at home all the time, your life revolves around the kids, the husband and the house. Who is the woman? It isn't like the 1950's where most all the women stayed at home. You would struggle to keep you, you. The other thing is that if you opened your day care center, you wouldn't be able to concentrate only on Alyssa and you could still miss her first steps, etc. as you cleaned up a diaper or rocked a child who had fallen and hurt himself/herself. What you have to do is find the balance. Stop thinking about what you are missing and start thinking about what you are experiencing: the smiles when she sees you come in the door; the quality time that you spend with her in the evening and mornings. And you may not miss any of those milestones. I didn't with you!! Loving Alyssa is what being a mom is all about, but you have to let Alyssa find herself too. She needs her time away from you and with other adults and kids to figure out who she is and what she wants from the world. Keeping her at home all the time and keeping her from interacting wth others because you can't stand to be away from her is not fair to her either. Again, Shannon, it is all about balance. You can do this honey and be a good mom to boot. Is it hard? Absolutely!! Is it doable? Again, Absolutely!! And you will find more priceless moments than you could ever hope to find even by working!! She is YOUR child and no one can ever take your place. NOONE!! Okay..the soap box has gone on long enough. Just the main comment again is: Stop worrying about what you might be missing and start enjoying what you are experiencing.
ReplyDeleteI agree w/ your mom. If you spend too much time worrying about moments spent apart, you'll miss out on enjoying all those moments together. My brother and I were the products of babysitters. I don't know how long my mom stayed w/ us before she went back to work, but we were always at babysitters or w/ the grandparents. It gives her a chance to have her own life and recoup and it gives us a chance to grow independent of her. Yes it's cool to have a girl that loves and is attached to you, but you want her to be able to eventually take care of herself and feel confident when you aren't around. As she gets older, be involved in her life. My mom coached soccer one year, and was my Girl Scout co-leader from kindergarten through high school. She was always involved. Balance, balance, balance. For you and for her. And for Chris. I'm sure easier said than done, especially since you're a new mom, but you can do it. :)
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