Emotions

(This is a picture I took hoping to share with my family when we told but will never share that way!)

This has been a hard weekend but a fun one all at the same time. I thought I was getting better and over is the wrong word, but moving forward until this weekend.

It started Friday morning when I woke up and knew that I should have been 10 weeks. About the time with Alyssa that I started wearing maternity pants.

Then on Saturday Chris and I went out shopping, while out we stopped by a store to get a keepsake box to put the ultrasound and cards we got while I was pregnant. The lady that was trying to help asked two times what the occasion was. I tried to avoid it the first time but the second time she asked I said "Well it is for the baby that we lost". It shut her up and she left us alone. As I said it I felt the tears start to form and I really just wanted to leave the store. But I powered through and I'm glad I did because the box is beautiful.

Today I had to go run some errands. I went to Sears to buy some new pants because all my old pants are two sizes two big, but as I'm shopping for these pants I realize that it is right next to the maternity section (who knew Sears had a maternity section!! And why did two women have to be shopping in it while I was there!) I was excited to be buying small pants but that kick in the gut hit me that really I should have been in that section.

I then had to go pick up the keep sake box and BOTH women at the store were pregnant. Another kick in the gut as I'm picking up a box to put things in for a baby I will never meet.

After that I left the mall and went to Target where I think it was pregnant woman shopping hour.

The only place I did not see pregnant women everywhere was Walgreens, but that could have been because I was only in the store 3 minutes.

I'm sure that Godfrey is not on a pregnant women overload and that I just never noticed them before, but boy it is a kick in the gut and hard.

The next thing that will be hard is Thanksgiving. We were supposed to tell Chris's family at Thanksgiving and every time I open Alyssa's closet I see the shirt she was going to wear.

I am hoping after Thanksgiving I can move forward a little faster.

Christmas is something I have been looking forward to since Alyssa was born and I'm not going to let the miscarriage change that.

Then it will be the new year and time for new beginnings and hopefully a new baby before 2010 ends.