Numb

Well we went back to the doctor today. As the ultrasound tech took us back she asked "How are you doing?" I said "Well I guess I could be better". As she started I knew right away that the heart had stopped. She didn't talk to us at all this time during the ultrasound and it was very fast. She did two measurements and the baby was 2 days smaller than what it was on Friday. She also checked twice for a heart beat and there was none.

She asked if there was measurement issues last time, and I said, yes we were there for a conformation to a miscarriage and she said, so I guess you know that there was no heart beat. I said yes and started to cry. She left and we had to go back to the waiting room. That was SOO hard to sit there waiting for the doctor, I think the tech felt bad and got us quickly and took us to an exam room.

On my chart she wrote that we knew that there was no heart beat. The wait for the doctor seemed to take forever.

He confirmed everything and I will have a D&C tomorrow. I will go back to work at noon on Friday because I have to have a meeting with my boss on Monday and do not have everything in order for that meeting. I think it is crap that I feel the pressure to go back but I guess in a way it will get my mind off the baby.

I am so thankful for my friends and family they have shown how much they love and support us through phone calls and conversations. I am also so thankful to have Alyssa, tonight she feel asleep while I was giving her, her breathing treatment. I held her for an extra half hour. She is an amazing baby and I know that someday she will make an amazing big sister, I guess for now she will just have to enjoy being an only child.