How do I do it?

Tonight as I was sitting in at swim class for the kids my phone went off that I had a facebook message. When I checked it, it was someone that said that they had found my blog and wondered how I did it.

This got me thinking. To be perfectly honest some days I'm not sure I am doing it. Sometimes people will asking how I am and I will say well I'm alive. They laugh it off, but honestly some days that is about the only emotion I have.

Other days I feel cool and confident and feel like everything is under control. The response I gave is that I always make sure I'm moving forward. Some days it feels like I'm taking giant leaps, other days I'm taking such small baby steps I wonder if I'm moving backwards.

Between Colin and all his health issues, owning and expanding my business every year for the last three years and making sure my house and husband are all well taken care of is hard.

 I have to admit I haven't always been successful, at times I have had to go to my doctor to ask for help. I am on blood pressure meds and at times anxiety meds. At times that makes me feel like a failure, but in the bigger picture I know that it really doesn't make me a failure but human and it is okay.

The other part that gets me through is God and my family/ friend support system. Without them I know there would be no way I could handle it. When the tears are there and I'm at a low I have found that God always places someone in my life that can help me. That doesn't mean that the day I feel lost I automatically get help but it does come. I have a few people that are always there with an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.

My life is not easy, yet as I think about it I don't think I would change it. Are there days when I would love for Colin to be healthy? Well of course! Yet if I had the choice to take Colin with all his issues or another perfectly healthy little boy I would take Colin in a heartbeat.

Because of Colin and all we have gone through I know I have been able to help a few other people when their children have been sick. That helps makes it a little better.

Today as I have sat an analyzed Colin's breathing, moods and O2 I wonder if there will ever be an end. At this point I can't tell you, but I know I will make it. And that is what is important!